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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27546301">Presence and Absence</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shergar/pseuds/Shergar'>Shergar</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alec Lightwood Deserves Nice Things, Bad Parent Maryse Lightwood, Bad Parent Robert Lightwood, Broken Bones, Catarina Loss Deserves a Raise, Good Boyfriend Magnus Bane, Happy Ending, Injury, Insecure Alec Lightwood, M/M, Self-Sacrificing Alec Lightwood, Wing Grooming, Wings, but not graphic, clipped wings, molting</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 17:33:52</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,153</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27546301</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shergar/pseuds/Shergar</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“Oh, Magnus,” Izzy’s voice was quiet amidst the incessant beeping of the machines in the hospital room.</p>
<p>“What aren’t you telling me, Isabelle?”</p>
<p>“He can’t fly...my parents made sure of that but he came after you anyway knowing that doing so would probably kill him.”</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>356</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Favorite Malec Stories</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Presence and Absence</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>The things we write when we should be writing other things...</p>
<p>This got a little out of hand.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Magnus found himself on the top of very tall buildings with his magic drained far more than he would have liked since Alexander Lightwood and his family came into his life. So he couldn’t honestly say he was shocked when he found himself falling off the roof of an empty apartment building (and wasn’t it </span>
  <em>
    <span>always</span>
  </em>
  <span> an empty building? Why couldn’t it be the top of the Ritz for once? He could get his impending doom with a nice cocktail afterward.)</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Being immortal didn’t mean he was invincible. The building itself was only a couple of stories but his body was only human and the fall would surely kill him. There seemed to be a grain of truth to the whole life flashing before your eyes as you came neared death...as he got closer and closer to the ground he made </span>
  <em>
    <span>peace</span>
  </em>
  <span> with his life.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Some four hundred years had come and gone since his birth. He’d seen the world change before his very eyes - countries wink in and out of existence, scientific achievements that changed the very way people lived and, of course, some extremely questionable fashion choices rise and inevitably fall. He had helped people and hurt people and he had been helped and hurt by others as well. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And now all of that was about to come to an end at high speed on a Brooklyn street. At least he was going out in style...and doing what he liked the most. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Helping people. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He only hoped that Alec and his siblings would be spared too much of the gory details. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Delirium must have been getting to him because he swore he was watching Alexander throw himself off the side of the building, black wings flaring out behind him as he fought to slow his descent. He’d heard rumors, of course, that the Shadowhunters had secretly held on to another Angelic trait but he’d never seen it himself. He had truly believed that rumors were all they were. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>So either he was about to pass out from some fall induced hysteria or the rumor was true. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He’d like to believe the latter but with the way life had a tendency to work out for Magnus Bane, option A was the more likely scenario.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Magnus was close to losing consciousness but Alec must have realized that he wasn't going to catch up with the warlock in time because he snapped his wings back towards his body and tried to make himself more aerodynamic. Magnus tried to smile, to let him know that it was okay, but he wasn’t sure he was successful. Instead, he closed his eyes and waited for death. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Except that it never came. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A few seconds later, something was making an impact with his body that had his eyes shooting open. Alec had somehow caught up with him and was clinging to him like his life depended on it, those gorgeous black wings spread behind him trying to slow their fall. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He could see the strain in Alec’s face, mixed with a fear that he wouldn’t be successful and Magnus wanted to tell him that it was okay and that even an immortal warlock couldn’t live forever but Alec was twisting their bodies in mid-air and Magnus had just enough time to realize how quickly the ground was coming up and brace for impact. This was it then. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They hit the ground hard and rolled and then the world went black. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>------------------------------</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When Magnus finally came to, he was in the medical bay of the Institute and not dead (like he expected) or back in his loft recovering in his luxurious bed while his dear friend Catarina called him an idiot but took care of him none-the-less.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Magnus Bane, you absolute idiot, you’re going to be the death of me, and considering I’m immortal, that’s quite a skill.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Catarina,” He started, ending in a coughing fit. She leaned over the side of his bed and helped him sit up. “What happened?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You almost died is what happened. Do you want the list of your broken body parts alphabetically or in order of how close the injuries were to killing you?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Just give it to me.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Shattered pelvis, three broken ribs, sprained your neck, cracked your fibia, left clavicle, right ulna, </span>
  <em>
    <span>and</span>
  </em>
  <span> your spleen nearly ruptured. Next time you throw yourself off a building, remember that. And if you’re wondering why it still hurts, I’m afraid you’re going to have to heal some of those injuries the mundane way until your magic reserves are back up to snuff. Surprisingly, you weren’t the one closest to death so I had to prioritize.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He closed his eyes, letting her words sink in before realizing exactly what implications her statement had. “Alexander,” He started again, the coughing fit returning (likely thanks to those lovely broken ribs.) She held up a glass of water and he took a quick sip. “Is he…?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Alive, by some Angelic miracle. But it’s…” She sighed, her eyes drifting to the door. “I’ll let Isabelle tell you. Some of it you’ll need to hear from her, Magnus.”The Shadowhunter appeared at his side with a sad smile on her face and grabbed his hand to give it a gentle squeeze. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“How are you doing? Catarina said you’re in no immediate danger of dying unless she decides to kill you herself. You both gave us quite a scare.” Isabelle looked like she hadn’t slept in a couple of days. Her skin was paler than normal and there were bags under her eyes. She could have activated a stamina rune to push past a sleepless night (Magnus had seen Alec do it far too many times in the past) but she likely was choosing to deal with the exhaustion over the inevitable crash that would follow with the rune use. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Where’s Alec? I need to see him.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Catarina is going to insist you stay in bed for a few more days but we both know that you won’t stay put. Let’s take it slow and we will take you to see Alec. He’s not far, I promise.” She helped him sit the rest of the way up and turn so his legs were over the bed. He had to take a moment to breathe, a sudden wave of dizziness and the shooting pain in his lungs nearly laying him back out again, but he was able to compose himself a moment later. He wasn’t sure what that said about how often he’d let himself get this injured but he’d analyze his poor life choices at a later day. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He was dressed in soft black sweatpants and a worn grey sweater. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Alec’s,</span>
  </em>
  <span> he realized. Izzy grabbed his arm, supporting his weight as he stood. She gave him a minute to get his bearings and then raised an eyebrow to ask if he was ready. She helped him hobble across the room and into the door across the hall. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Alexander was unconscious and still bore a good number of cuts and bruises. He was hooked up to more medical equipment than Magnus could honestly name. He couldn’t imagine the state the shadowhunter had been in previously if this was </span>
  <em>
    <span>after</span>
  </em>
  <span> Catarina’s healing magic. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His injuries weren’t the only thing Magnus noticed. Laying delicately under his back, spread just a hair across the hospital bed, were wings. Now that he wasn’t in danger of rapid, painful death, Magnus could see the feathers were a dusty black, the tips of which were a greyish white. He wanted nothing more than to run his fingers through the feathers, assure himself that what he was seeing was real, but he turned to Isabelle instead. “What don’t I know? What do I </span>
  <em>
    <span>need</span>
  </em>
  <span> to know?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>For a few minutes, she said nothing, instead running her hand lightly through her brother’s hair. “We all have them,” she said after she’d been able to put together the words that she wanted. “But they can be a burden in battle and take a lot of training to use well. Flight is...possible but difficult.” She stood up and took a few steps back, willing her own wings into existence. They were pure, nearly blinding white making Isabelle the very vision of an angel. “Keeping them secret keeps them safe. Jace and I trained for years to use them effectively in battle should the need arise, we still have to make flights regularly to keep up our strength.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You said you and Jace...not Alec...but Alec came to save me…” His eyes fell to the unconscious Shadowhunter in the bed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, Magnus,” Izzy’s voice was quiet amidst the incessant beeping of the machines in the hospital room.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What aren’t you telling me, Isabelle?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She gently pulled out one of his wings and spread the feathers carefully. With Alec so still and the warlock so close, he could now see what Isabelle was trying to show him. Alexander’s primary feathers, at least six of them, had been cut.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He can’t fly...my parents made sure of that but he came after you anyway knowing that doing so would probably kill him.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A flood of emotions went through him then - rage for whatever Robert and Maryse had done to the boy, grief over the thought that he could have lost him, distress that he had been the one to put him in that situation in the first place but he inhaled sharply and schooled his features. His magic was too unpredictable and too weak for him to let it get out of hand right now. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Tell me everything,” He noticed her unsure expression and his face fell. “Please,” he added softly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You know how my parents are all about restoring the family name. All Shadowhunter wings are white but Alec’s were always different. As soon as they saw the colors coming in, they made the decision that they wanted the rest of the world to know as little about Alexander Lightwood as they could possibly manage.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“When we’re little we go to summer camp to learn to take our first flights away from prying eyes but my parents didn’t want him to show up with little black wings and bring shame to already dishonorable Lightwood name. So they clipped his wings, grounding him, and they’ve been doing it every year since whenever he molts. All Alec ever wanted to do was make them proud…” She sighed, tears welling up in her eyes as she laid Alec’s life out before him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“They didn’t count on my brother being so stubborn,” She said with a hiccup that could have been a laugh had the circumstances been different. “He trained harder to compensate for what he didn’t have and when Jace and I started taking missions, he fought for the right to go too. My parents didn’t even want to let him out of the institute but he’d do anything to keep us safe. That’s why he picked the bow, you know? So if something was airborne, he’d still have a chance to help.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He was going to stand up for himself this time... when my parents come in a few months after his new feathers grow in. He wasn’t going to let them clip his wings again.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What changed?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>You</span>
  </em>
  <span> changed, Magnus. You showed him that it was okay to be himself, that no one who mattered would judge him for being different. It’s been tough for him...all he ever wanted was to make our parents proud and they definitely had no interest in what was best for him but...he wanted to be better for the rest of us...those who actually cared about him. You showed him how to do that, even if you didn’t realize it.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>No one had chosen Magnus in a very, very long time but Alec </span>
  <em>
    <span>had.</span>
  </em>
  <span> Even if it meant harm to himself, Alec had chosen Magnus in the end. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And Magnus… didn’t know how to process that. He grabbed Alec’s hands tightly and cried. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Isabelle left them alone after that, but not before pulling a plush chair over to Alec’s bedside and convincing Magnus to take a seat. She must have sequestered it from elsewhere in the Institute, he realized, it was way too soft to belong in a hospital room. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And it was appreciated. Until Alec woke, Magnus wasn’t going anywhere.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>--------------------------------</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>All in all, it was two more full days before Alec woke. Two full days of Magnus only leaving his side long enough for Catarina or Isabella to usher him out of the room for a shower and a change of clothes. They tried to get him to sleep in an actual bed but he’d refused. He’d slept in far worse places than a comfortable chair in a hospital room. He’d manage...and he would hate himself if he wasn’t there when his Shadowhunter woke up.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>After two full days, Alec’s eyelids began to flutter and Magnus felt his heart leap. “Alexander? Come on, my love. Wake up. Please, wake up.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The Shadowhunter’s eyes blinked open and he found Magnus immediately, giving him a small smile. “Hey…”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Magnus let out a sob as he smiled back, “There you are…”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you okay?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Am </span>
  <em>
    <span>I </span>
  </em>
  <span>okay? Alexander, don’t you </span>
  <em>
    <span>ever</span>
  </em>
  <span> do that to me again. You nearly died.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I had to try… Magnus, a life without you isn’t worth living.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Magnus had lost count of the number of times over the past few days he had been left speechless. He bent down and gently pressed a kiss to Alec’s temple. “I love you, you self-sacrificing idiot. Don’t think we’re not going to talk about this.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Alec hummed happily and closed his eyes. “What are the chances they let us go home?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Home. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Magnus’ loft. It was home to both of them now. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I think they’ll want to keep you here a little bit longer considering how long you’ve been unconscious and the number of very expensive machines you are currently hooked up to </span>
  <em>
    <span>and</span>
  </em>
  <span> I think we’re both due for one colossal dressing down courtesy of a great number of people including, but not limited to, Isabelle, Catarina, and your parabatai.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>------------------------------------</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was another three days after that before Catarina deemed them both fit enough to leave - provided they take it easy (which was accompanied by a very pointed glare in Magnus’ direction) and absolutely, under no circumstances, try to do anything more strenuous than reading a book. For some reason, both Catarina and Isabelle felt the need to further specify what the prior statement meant and included a list of examples of what they absolutely should not be doing: responding to requests for assistance with demon attacks, filling out/checking/even </span>
  <em>
    <span>thinking</span>
  </em>
  <span> about any and all paperwork related to the Institute’s day to day function, and, of course, any ‘extracurricular activities.’</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Catarina opened a portal for them to Magnus’ loft. Once it closed behind them, Magnus sunk into the couch and closed his eyes with a sigh. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Finally…”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Alec watched him for a moment with a smile on his face before tugging him back up and towards the bedroom. “Come… we deserve some actual sleep in a comfortable bed.” As Magnus let himself be led out of the room, he noticed that Alec had tucked his wings back to wherever they went when he wasn’t using them and it made him frown. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Your wings…”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We can talk about that in the morning, Magnus. Come on, bed now.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>------------------------------------</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The morning sun brought aches and pains for both of them, as the painkillers from the day before had worn off sometime during the night. Magnus groaned and rolled over, pulling Alec tightly against him and let this magic flow over them, vanishing the pain they were both feeling. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Catarina said no magic for at least another week,” Alec mumbled without opening his eyes. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Catarina doesn’t have to know,” Magnus replied, burying his nose in the Shadowhunter’s neck. They dozed for another hour before the sun got too bright for them to sleep any longer. Alec rolled over to face Magnus, finding golden cat eyes staring back at him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Morning.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Good morning, my love,” Magnus replied, reaching up to rake one hand gently through Alec’s hair. “I know it’s early but what do you say we have some breakfast. You know we need to talk…”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Alec groaned but pushed himself up into a sitting position and rubbed the remaining sleep from his eyes. “I know...I was hoping you forgot.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Not this time, you jumped off a building to try and save me. I think that’s a little too important to forget. I’ll summon us some breakfast while you jump in the shower.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Truth be told, Magnus wasn’t sure how this conversation was going to go. They needed to discuss what happened, sure, but he also wanted to hear Alec’s story from him. He was certain Isabelle hadn’t lied to him but having the facts and having the actual experience were completely separate ball games. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He summoned a full breakfast from a Cafe down the street and made sure there was more than enough coffee for the two of them to get through the next hour. Alec stumbled into the kitchen about twenty minutes later, wet hair hanging in his eyes, and made a beeline for the cup of hot coffee waiting for him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>An uneasy silence fell between the two of them. Alec shifted awkwardly from foot to foot as he focused on the mug in his hand like it was suddenly the most interesting thing in the world. Magnus sighed and took a few steps closer to his boyfriend. “Alexander, whatever conversation you’re imagining is not the one we’re going to have. I almost lost you...and from what your sister says, a lot of that is on your parents. I just want to hear it from you, that’s it. The only thing I’m upset about is that you flung yourself off a building knowing that you might die.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Alec didn’t move and Magnus gently took the coffee out of his hand and pulled him into a hug. “Please, Angel. Can I see?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The shadowhunter shivered and took a step back, pulling his wings out from wherever they went when not in use, giving Magnus his first real chance to look at them. They were a deep grey, though the ends of his largest feathers were nearly white. His wingspan was likely close to twenty feet once his wings were fully expanded. Alec looked uncomfortable in his own skin (well, feathers) and Magnus just smiled, pulling him back into a hug. “They’re beautiful. </span>
  <em>
    <span>You’re</span>
  </em>
  <span> beautiful.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Alec’s breath hitched - memories of the first time he’d seen Magnus’ cat eyes likely playing through his head. The warlock had chosen those specific words for a reason. “I love you,” he whispered, tucking his chin into the shorter man’s shoulder. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And I love you...always.” Magnus wasn’t sure how long they stood there, but he was willing to give Alec all the time he needed. Eventually, Alec lifted his head and glanced towards the food on the table. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Can we move this outside? And talk while we eat? I’m starving.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Magnus laughed and snapped his fingers, transporting their buffet from the kitchen table to a new table on the balcony. “Your wish is my command.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He watched Alec eye the chair warily, wondering how he was going to sit with his wings out. “Would you like a stool?” He asked, raising an eyebrow. The Shadowhunter turned to him with relief in his eyes. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Please…”</span>
  </em>
  <span> Magnus snapped his fingers and a bar stool replaced the chair. He watched in amusement as Alec took a seat and shifted until he was comfortable, the tips of his feathers trailing on the ground.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>After Alec had a chance to pile enough pancakes on his plate to feed a small city and make his way halfway through the stack, he must have decided he was awake enough to continue the conversation. “What did Izzy tell you?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That your parents have always clipped your wings.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m sure they were just doing what they thought was right… or at least that’s what I thought until recently. They’ve always been ashamed. Shadowhunter wings are always white. Sometimes you’ll see a very, very light grey but never this,” He lifted one wing and spread his bi-color feathers. “Dad said I couldn’t even get being a fuck-up right. They didn’t want anyone else to see..shame to the family name and whatnot. Keeping me grounded kept me safe and kept the Lightwood name as intact as it could be...given the circumstances.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I never really thought too much of it, I guess. I was upset when Izzy and Jace got to go off to their flight training… but that was that. I trained harder and tried to make my parents proud but it was never good enough. I just had accepted that was going to be my life,” He paused and glanced across the table to Magnus with a smile. “At least I had until you happened. You showed me it was okay to just be me. I knew that you wouldn’t judge me for how my wings looked or didn’t look… I wasn’t going to let my parents clip my wings after I molted this year. I was prepared to stand up to them. I know I might never fly, I’ve accepted that. I just...I don’t want to feel like something is missing anymore.” He pushed himself up from the table and went to lean on the balcony, feeling too restless to remain sitting any longer.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I am always there for you, angel. If you want to confront your parents I will be there by your side but don’t feel you need to change for me. I want you to do whatever you feel is right for </span>
  <em>
    <span>you.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“This is right for me… I don’t think those who matter will mind that my feathers aren’t exactly </span>
  <em>
    <span>right</span>
  </em>
  <span>. I’ve always wanted to do more to keep Jace and Izzy safe. Now there’s Clary and Simon, Madzie and Catarina, and you…”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I can take care of myself.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You shouldn’t have to. You should be able to trust that I can have your back when you need it.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You already do that. You saved my life a few days ago, remember?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Alec snorted, “But maybe with my wings the way they are actually supposed to be I could have done it better. I don’t know about you, but I never want to get that lecture from Catarina again. I thought Isabelle was bad…”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Magnus laughed, “Trust me, despite our best efforts, I’m sure it won’t be the last time. I’ve been on the receiving end of a very similar speech more times than I can count.” They fell into silence after that, looking out over the New York skyline. Magnus glanced over at Alec, his face scrunched and his wings pulled close to his body, and realized he could read pain and discomfort in every line of the Shadowhunter’s body. “Alexander, are you still in pain? I can relieve it… Catarina never has to know.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The man sighed and turned to face his boyfriend with a sad smile on his face. “It’s not from the accident...I’m always in pain. I’ve just learned to deal with it, I guess. “</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Is there anything I can do to help?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Alec sighed and turned to face his boyfriend. “My parents were always so displeased whenever I had my wings out… so I never took them out. Unfortunately, that also meant I never got a chance to take care of them properly.” He lifted one wing and Magnus noticed the twisted, dusty feathers. “I’m not sure I even know what being pain-free is even like anymore. The ache that comes from my wings is just...</span>
  <em>
    <span>normal</span>
  </em>
  <span> now.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Magnus took Alec’s hand with a squeeze and guided him away from the railing. “Let me take care of you. Please?” The Shadowhunter nodded and Magnus pulled him back into the loft. He glanced around before magically pushing the furniture closer to the wall and summoning another barstool in the middle of the room. “Take a seat, angel. Let me work my magic.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re not supposed to be working any magic. Catarina would kill us both,” Alec said with a grin, knowing that wasn’t what Magnus meant. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Catarina isn’t here and we’re in my sanctuary, if I didn’t have a little residual magic lurking about for use in a pinch, I’d be a pretty poor High Warlock.”  A snap of his fingers saw the appearance of a small table, a washcloth and a spray bottle. Alec raised his eyebrow and Magnus couldn’t help but smile. “I’ve been around a long time, Alexander. Believe it or not, this is not the first time I’ve helped groom wings… sure, I’ve never done Shadowhunter wings but I imagine the process is the exact same.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Who else did you know with wings?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He gestured for Alec to spread one of his wings as he stepped behind him. “A few warlocks here and there. Wings are rare for a warlock mark but they do happen on occasion. Grooming is, of course, </span>
  <em>
    <span>intimate</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” He paused long enough to waggle his eyebrows, a blush forming on the Shadowhunter’s cheeks. “But beggars couldn’t be choosers when the Circle was on our tail. We did what we had to do.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Alec responded with a hum and they fell into an easy silence. Magnus started at the top, gently straightening feathers and removing any visible debris that he saw. Once he was satisfied with one wing, he moved on to the other and repeated the process. Once the feathers were all laying the right way, he gently misted his boyfriend’s wings using the spray bottle he had summoned earlier and began to wipe them down. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was a tedious process but Magnus would move heaven and Earth for Alec if he asked. Once he had finished, he took a step back and felt his heart do another little leap. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Alec’s dusty black feathers, once clean and properly cared for, were nearly iridescent. Magnus tilted his head and watched as the feathers changed from black to blue to purple when they caught the light. How could someone look at him and think he was anything less than perfect? It was certainly another strike against Robert and Maryse Lightwood. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“All done,” He said after a moment, walking around to face the Shadowhunter. Alec was sitting with his eyes closed and a relaxed expression on his face. “How do they feel?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Good,</span>
  </em>
  <span>” Alec opened his eyes to stare into the warlock’s eyes. “For the first time in what feels like forever, they don’t actually hurt.” He reached out and pulled Magnus close. “Thank you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“They look better too,” Magnus replied, another snap of his fingers summoning a floor-length mirror in the middle of the room. “Take a look, angel.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Alec stepped in front of the mirror and froze. He’d never seen his feathers look as bright as they did now. He never really chanced a glance at them after he molted and he was too young when they’d first grown in to remember what they’d originally looked like. “I…” He turned to the side and lifted a wing, the mid-day sun catching his feathers and making them almost shimmer. “I didn’t know they looked like this.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Magnus stepped up behind him and ran his fingers gently over the white feathers. “Mmm..they’re beautiful. Quite like a magpie, too. You know, in some places in the world magpies represent good luck. I’d certainly say you’re my good luck after your daring rescue a few days ago.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Alec tucked his wings back in and turned towards Magnus, pulling him in for a kiss. Magnus tugged the shadowhunter closer and started steering them back towards the bedroom. “Catarina said no extracurricular activities,” Alec mumbled between breaths. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t know how many times I have to say this, my love, but Catarina doesn’t have to know.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>------------------------------------</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s going to happen soon” Alec started, walking out of the bedroom a few weeks later with a towel around his neck and one black and white feather in his hand. Magnus frowned and took the offered feather, twirling it between his fingers. If Alec’s wings were about to molt, that meant his parents would be showing up to clip his wings once more. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“How long do you think you have?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Three weeks… give or take a few days. They’ll probably show up halfway through the fourth week to make sure everything finished growing in. If they do it too soon, they’ll bleed like a bitch. They learned that one that hard way.” Alec finished towelling off his hair, throwing the towel back over his shoulder and gently shaking out his wings. A smaller feather floated to the floor and he frowned. “Maybe a little less than three weeks.” He bent down to pick up the feather but Magnus stopped him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It will be alright. I’ll be there with you, you know that right?” He asked, taking the shadowhunter’s hand and squeezing it reassuringly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know. That’s why I’m not afraid to say something this time. I love you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I love you too, Alexander.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Alec laughed and headed back towards the bedroom to finish getting ready. “See if you still feel the same way when you see the mess the next few weeks will bring.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>-------------------------------------</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Alec hadn’t been kidding about the </span>
  <em>
    <span>mess.</span>
  </em>
  <span> Over the next few weeks, Magnus found feathers everywhere. Even if Alec didn’t have his wings out (though Magnus had </span>
  <em>
    <span>highly</span>
  </em>
  <span> encouraged it while they were alone in the loft - even going as far as to make a deal with him that he’d drop his own glamor while they were home if Alec didn’t hide his wings,) the feathers still appeared. They were in their bed, on the couch, all over the floor… Alec tried to sheepishly apologize and clean them as he found them. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s fine, Alexander. Besides, I think Chairman is having the time of his life. I’ve never seen the grumpy old man so happy,” he pointed out as the cat skitted across the floor after one of the errant feathers.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m nearly done. They’ve almost entirely stopped itching. I think all the new feathers are in and they’re not as tender… so they just need to finish growing. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Finally.</span>
  </em>
  <span> I hate this time of year...things can start getting back to normal.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m sure your favorite Thai place will be upset that your order will go back to normal instead of the double portion that it was,” Magnus replied jokingly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Alec blushed. “I told you I burn through a lot of energy growing in the new feathers. You should see Jace, though. He eats enough when he molts to feed a family of four.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was nearly a week later that Alec announced his new feathers were fully in. True to his word, his parents had advised him a few days prior of their visit. Alec’s temperament was growing increasingly agitated as he waited for the fire message he knew was eventually coming. When it finally showed up one morning, he sighed and rubbed his hands together nervously.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Alec had known this day was coming and he and Magnus had talked about it often enough but after so many years of abuse (and yes, that was exactly what that was, it had taken him some time to come to terms with it,) he couldn’t help but still be worried. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’ll be fine, my love. Remember, I’m right here with you.” Magnus whispered as they stepped out of a portal and into the Ops room at the Institute.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His parents were waiting for him in his office, as expected. Robert frowned when they entered and Maryse’s face twisted into a grimace. “What’s that warlock doing here?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I asked him to be here. We need to talk.” Alec’s bland expression didn’t let a hint of the nervousness he was currently feeling show.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We need to do no such thing. Leave, Magnus. This matter does not concern you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ll leave if Alexander wants me to leave.” Magnus crossed his arms and took a half step closer to Alec, letting their arms brush to remind him that they were in this together.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Alec glanced between his boyfriend and his parents before fixing his parents with a pointed stare. “He knows...about my wings and about what you’re here to do. I’m old enough to make my own decisions and you won’t be clipping my feathers this time.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s for your own good, Alec.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It was </span>
  <em>
    <span>never</span>
  </em>
  <span> for my own good, it was for yours. You’d do anything to restore the Lightwood family name, even if it is at the expense of your own children. You taught me that just because some of my feathers were black, I was a disgrace. You treated me like I was less than your other children. You have been clipping my wings every single year because you’re terrified that anyone finds out the truth about me.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ve tried to be perfect for you. All I’ve ever done is try to make you proud and it was never enough. That’s why I never stood up for myself when you’d show up like clockwork every year. </span>
  <em>
    <span>I’m done.</span>
  </em>
  <span> I may not ever fly, I’ve accepted that. I know that I’ve missed some pivotal moments in development. I may never form the muscles I need for flight since I didn’t train them young like every other shadowhunter. So no, I may not ever fly but I’m done letting you ground me.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Magnus gave Alec’s hand a reassuring squeeze and felt pride swell in his chest as Maryse sputtered. Alec had waited so long for this moment and all it took was Magnus getting thrown off the roof of a building to get them here. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“This conversation is over. Please leave my office. I’m sure Jace and Izzy will want to see you before you head back to Idris.” He didn’t need to watch them leave and instead chose to stare out the window behind his desk until he heard the soft click from the door to let him know that they were gone. He turned to Magnus with relief written across his face and pulled his boyfriend in for a kiss. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Angel, Magnus. That was </span>
  <em>
    <span>terrifying.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“But it’s over now. I’m so proud of you, my love.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank you. Thank you for showing me that I matter and being here with me today.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>-----------------------------------</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you sure we’re the only ones around for miles? The last thing I need is for people to watch the head of the New York Institute make a fool out of himself.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I promise you that we are completely isolated though I can put us under a glamor if that makes you feel better.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, no need. I trust you...just try not to laugh. I know I’m going to look ridiculous. There’s a reason we send the kids to camp for this.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They’d been working on strengthening the muscle’s in Alec’s back over the course of the past year though the Shadowhunter had yet to try for flight. Now that he wasn’t hiding his wings all the time, he’d started training with his siblings on how to use them effectively in combat. He had a lot to learn and years of disuse and abuse to work through but Magnus couldn’t be prouder of him. He was meeting each and every challenge head-on and without complaint.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I would never laugh at you, my love. Just remember that you won’t be perfect the first time but we can stay out here as long as you need. I’m sure dear Isabelle can manage the Institute for more than a week if it comes down to it.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Isabelle had gone to Magnus two weeks prior and suggested that it was time for Alec to try flying. He’d improved drastically during their training and wasn’t afraid to glide but he wouldn’t allow himself to try any more than that. Isabelle felt he was ready but knew that he was afraid of failing in front of the very people who looked up to him. He and the younger Lightwood got everything set up before cornering Alec in his office to convince him to take a vacation.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Alec stood on the railing of the deck, staring at the thirty-foot drop in front of him. He wasn’t worried about injury. Between Magnus’ healing magic and an iratze, any bumps, bruises or broken bones could be taken care of. He hesitated, shifting uncomfortably from foot to foot as he tried to will himself to take the next step. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Just a leap of faith, darling. I believe in you.” Alec closed his eyes, letting Magnus’ words wash over him before taking a deep breath and taking a step.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Title taken from a quote from The Taxidermist's Daughter by Kate Mosse. </p>
<p>“The colour of the magpie, her father was saying, was symbolic of creation. The void, the mystery of that which had not yet taken form. Black and white, he said. Presence and absence.”</p></blockquote></div></div>
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